Body Landscape

Six weeks postpartum and the skies are not cloudy anymore, well it's almost blue skies. This condition....postpartum is just another word for depression and I dislike it greatly. The only bliss is the baby and my body is royal wreckage. Aesthetics have a terrific way for affecting my moods. This baby making business is not for the faint of heart. Where there was curves are now rolls and where there were valleys, are now mountains (that part I don't mind so much.....actually that's the only thing I've got working for me now). Dark circles have set in from lack of sleep and my tears don't hold back for anything. Just ask J-P, he's lovin' my yin and yang moods. I wish the upside would be an exquisite bottom, but even that has taken a turn south. I'm still mending and beating the pity by working out with Traci Anderson. Apparently she is the personal trainer for Gweneth Paltrow and Madonna. She has developed a postpartum work-out that is cruel and feels more like punishment. However, is satisfies my need for torturing my body back into its' normal landscape. I don't how we do it, we women folk, but somehow we do. For now, I have to revel in the glory of what my body did make, a wonderous beautiful creature.

Celebrating a Decade!

Well folks, we've made it to 10! Though not perfect, but worth the wear. Hears to fifty halo and hearty more! We've matured! Gotten fatter, wiser in some of our ways, wrinkled, yielded our dreams (and still yeilding some), bred and most of all.... our love has found permanent roots to draw strength from. I don't want to imagine what my life would be without my Love. He makes me whole.

Almost fifteen years ago, (wow my life has years) when he first laid eyes on me I was but a wee las. A teenager so lost and confused, but he saw in me what I didn't. A woman, and eventually a mother. Patiently he watched (and helped) me come into my own.

What we shared then is still what we share now: genuine love for one another. However, he taught me that true love is worth waiting for even if it almosts kills you. Because he waited with ultimate faith for me to grow up, I knew there would be no other person on this Earth that would love me the way he loves me. Even the way he looks at me with those seriously mad eyes, he is the only one.

On our day, we went out without the kids (Ilene babysat) and went for dessert and tea on the Delta King. It's a big stern wheeler also known as a paddle boat that is docked on the Sacramento River. There was a live band playing for some added ambiance. Ironically, we actually ended up fighting that night, but for the record books we will remember it happy. I wrote J-P a poem that I had started a year ago and finally got to finish it this year. Here it is for posterity sake.

For my Beloved

In your arms I am home

In your eyes I see eternity

Love and guidance you've always given me

I owe my transcendence to thee

Hand in hand, cheek to cheek

We dance through earthly time

Same song, though everyday is a different beat

Marriage is never an easy feat

Days pass, years leave

Our life is living history

I am your sun and you are my light

Our children have gifted us new sight

All I've ever wanted is for someone to love me

You provided that shelter sound

No matter high tide or low seas

With you I always and forever want to be

Baby Love!

Baby Cosette is three weeks old and is terrific!






Just look at those cheeks, don't you just want to squeeze 'em and kiss 'em? I do! She's our little doll.







Calvin enjoys playing the big brother role. He wants to make sure he is doing it right and looks for reassurance.





























He loves to sing to her just like I sing to him and Oliver!

Oh Mother......where are you going? Part 2

WARNING!

This post is not intended to embarrass or disrespect anyone. It is to inform of my experience with Mother's failing mind. She knows it herself and has a great sense of humor regarding it.

Grandma played in the backyard with the boys. It was several games, i.e. Cowboys and Indians, Pirates and Hunter as Calvin calls it. It's a game of shooting pretend animals in the backyard with pretend guns makeshifted out of tinker-toys. Grandma was spotted crouching in the bushes and heard making gun-like noises. I could also hear the boys yelling in excitement, "Over here Grandma!", "Shoot the bear Grandma!", "Run Grandma!", "To the forest Grandma!" She did as she was instructed and she had a blast doing it! The boys think they have a pretty-cool grandma and I concur!

Have to add a pic of Cosette, it's been too long to not add a picture of her. She is growing and thriving! She is starting to show some personality. She is a night owl right now, not sure why she's inclined. I'm always found in bed early!:)

Mom in jammies. Can't tell in the picture, but her bottoms are inside out and on backwards. One other night her top was found inside out and some how she managed to button it. She always laughed about it and would go back to make it right.

We had a lot of good laughs. Mom is really funny and she doesn't even know it! When she sneezes, instead of saying, "AAhh choo", she says, "Look out!"

I took her over to Ilene's one evening to see where Ilene and Morgan live and Ilene had Eva Cassidy playing in the background. It triggered something in Mom and it took her back, somewhere and she went blank. She looked at us and said, " How long have I been like this? Where have I been?" Mom knows of her condition and knows that she is not the same. She often talked of how isolated she is and craves more social interaction. Mom also mentioned that there are not many opportunities for it up in Cascade. She loves her animals, but realizes she must sell them, so Don and she can be more mobile. She had some bouts of crying and they all were about her Mother. She did tell me something I have never heard before. Mom revealed that her Mother, Grandma Athlyn, suffered greatly from depression. It was so bad, that at one point Grandpa Bob drove her to Blackfoot, Idaho and had her admitted into pyschiatric hospital. There, they did shock therapy on her heart which mom belives is what gave Grandma her heart problems that ultimately led to her death. I gathered that Mom's depression was not singled out by exterior factors, she as well as we, are predisposed to it. Mom however denies that depression could run in the family. Funny though, because I as well as others, have had major bouts of it. Interesting how certain things can surface now, when her mind is going, that I have never heard her reference before. Mostly everthing she did talk about was repititious.

I did enjoy Mom and miss her now. She is not the mother I grew up with. She has been humbled greatly because of her declining mind. It's a tradegy that she never took the time to get to know us and now that she has the time, she's not completely able to. Though Mom is not the same, she is still as positive as ever. She always has the nicest things to say about family. She told me all of the things any daughter would love to hear, constantly praising me from day to day and giving me compliments that I have always longed to hear from her. Though the conditions aren't exactly the way I would want them for mother or for mother and me, they are bringing us close in a way that I could never have predicted. Mom truly believes that she will rise again with a fully restored mind. With the efforts of all her children, maybe we can help. (and the taking of her medication wouldn't hurt either)

Oh Mother......where are you going? Part I

Mom came to visit for two weeks! I was a bit faint-hearted when she first arrived and was one hundred percent positive I wasn't going to survive her, but as you can see from of the pictures, she did bring some unexpected joy into our lives while she was visiting. The boys invited her to a picnic in the yard. She couldn't break for lunch, (she was clearing the ferns for winter) so they brought lunch to her! Ammon was looking for any left-overs.

J-P was great with her, he doesn't have any expectations for her. He sat down with her almost every morning and went over the family tree. Asking everyone's name, grandchildren and all. Usually, she blanked out on Sid's, Ryan's and Dan's last name....go figure there? When asking about grandchildren she had no problems recalling Brendon or Gauge? She also recalled Jacob, but not by name, as the one who was the runner and whom she helped. Her cowboy grandchildren are Wyatt and Dallas. The pot stirrer is Lesile, but don't frett if your name wasn't mentioned. The mornings they went over the names, she was able to recall everyone with some prompting. No one was forgotten. I have to say though it's sad to see Mom like this. The old gray mare ain't what she use to be!

Calvin threw me some Kung Fu moves while I was snapping a photo of the mop and broom. Mom's best friends, besides Ammon, while she was stayed. We could eat off the floor it was so squeaky clean. You might say it was her daily constiutional, something I could rely on that she could do. There were many things she couldn't, more on that later.

Oliver is my cutie pie, but I took this picture to show you my rug. Note that it is upside down. Mom would shake it and return it to that position everytime. It still lies as it sits in the picture to remind me of her progressing condition. Upside down is different.

BABY COSETE IS HERE!!!!

The birthing story starts with this picture.....I was hours away from going to the hospital. Mom and I went for a walk Saturday afternoon the 3rd and my contractions started. It was only pre-labor, but it lasted all day. The contractions were 5-10 minutes apart and they were mild. At 9:00pm they stopped! J-P and I went for a walk trying to start it up again fearing it was false labor. I ran into my neighbor who suggested castor oil. Wanting to try anything at this point, I agreed and took two tablespoons. Put Mom to bed and sent Ilene Morgan home. Nothing was happening....... yet! I wake up at 3:00am having hard and fast contractions. I wake up J-P telling him my condition, he responds, "Let's time them." In his half-slumbered state he is writing down times that I checked later that were completely illegible. I convinced him it's time to go and he called Ilene and Morgan to come over and we rushed to the hospital. J-P ran red lights because my contractions are now 2 minutes apart. He pulls up to the curb and runs into the hospital to find a wheel-chair because I was struggling. I waddle slowly, painfully through the halls and J-P meets me without a wheel-chair.......he couldn't find one. We get checked in, gown my swollen-belly self and I feel her coming. Laying on the bed half coherent with mind-numbing pain I scream, "She's coming!!!!" I felt her start to descend, my water then gushes and in a lighting flash she was there! I had her so fast, the doctor wasn't even there, only the nurse and hubby were bed side. The nurse put Cosette on top of me and as you can tell from the picture I felt ultimate relief as well as triumph! I had done it! I had brought yet another member of our Macy family into the worldly safely! I have to add that as a woman I don't think anything can top having a baby, it's my prized joy!


Cosette Hope was born October 4th at 5:00 am she weighed 7lbs 7oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. To no surprise her length is in the 90 percentile. Long Mama, long baby.

The boys came later that morning to meet their baby sister.











Grandma couldn't take her eyes off of her. It was fun to have her there!


Cosette is a very good baby at this point and I pray that she stays this way. Sleeps and eats well and very content. I can tell her demeanor resembles my side of the family.......mellow.

Guess Who Turned Five?

Our Calvin has turned five!!! Where does the time go? At five, Calvin is a mouthy brain who likes to push everyone's buttons. He didn't start kindergarten this year because of his late birthday. He likes his preschool class and his fondest past time is listening to his Daddy read "Old Yeller". We started reading novels, because he thinks his other books are boring. If I could change one thing about him.........it would be him following my directions. He has a strong will and he thinks his to big for his breeches!

His birthday party this year was STAR WARS themed. I know, big surprise. Calvin and Oliver dressed up as Obi Wan and Anniken. Their friends came dressed as Storm Troopers and Darth Vader.

Oliver got upset when gifts were being opened, he thought the presents were for him too. I had to explain they were only for Calvin. The reality is they share everything, so Oliver thought he was obliged.


















Some of my favorite guests were Brent, Ilene and Morgan.
Ilene was AWESOME and helped me decorate for the party. Looking back, I was a week and one day from delivering.

It was a hot afternoon and some of Cal's friends pulled out the water guns. I didn't mind getting a squirt here and there.

We had a DARTH VADER pinata......and look what happened when it exploded! Some of the sweetest kids turn rancid, watch out!

Originally they started swinging with Light Sabers and nothing was happening. We got serious then and upgraded to a bat!

Kids don't only swarm candy it turns out, they swarm gifts too. I kept at a safe distance.